The most difficult part of living with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy has nothing to do with the physical effects of the disease. The hardest part is the expectation that I should be content with a diminished life, a life spent isolated from the outside world contributing to or enjoying very little of it. People often tell me they think it’s amazing that I get out of bed in the morning, much less go to school or work. While I do appreciate the fact that my life inspires people, that statement unintentionally insinuates that I should be content with simply being alive, and anything beyond that is a bonus. The thing is, Muscular Dystrophy hasn’t taken away my desire for success and significance, my desire to love and be loved, and my desire for intimacy and sex. My muscles don’t work, but my brain, emotions, and hormones still do. Even though I’m missing a protein that’s essential to the function of many of my muscles, I’m a complete person in every other way.
At this point in my life, I have a good education and a good job, but I’m missing a woman to share it all with. As God Himself said to the original Adam, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Tell me about it! At the end of the day, only God can provide the right woman for me, but sometimes they (women) make the process more difficult than it needs to be. In the land of male-female relationships, one recurring theme that I came across again recently is something I like to call “who do you think you are?” Men interested in dating women who are “out of their league” are familiar with this one. Basically, you ask a beautiful, smart, interesting woman out and she becomes incensed that someone as poor, ugly, and dull as you would think himself worthy of a date with her. After enduring the belittling tirade, you pick yourself up and hope that the next girl you ask out responds with a simple “no” instead.
Whether intended or not, what the “who do you think you are?” response communicates to me in particular is “what makes you think that, despite your disability, you’re worthy or capable of a romantic relationship?” Honestly, sometimes I ask myself that same question. I wonder, am I deluding myself? Could any girl really love me? Does my disability disqualify me from romance completely? Then, while researching whether anyone with Muscular Dystrophy was actually married, I come across Charles Reed. Charles is a man with Duchenne who just turned 40 in February. He and his wife Spring share their testimony of faith to thousands through speaking engagements and their website, justbecausehelives.org. As I read through some of Charles’s blog posts, one thing became very clear to me: apart from God, he never would have met his wife Spring. God put it on his heart to pray for a wife and within three months Charles met her. Rejection will always play a part in the dating game, but if I really want a wife I better start praying. Will you pray with me?
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10 responses to “The Response of a Man Scorned”
I will pray with you! My heart hurts to feel this with you.
You deserve someone and likely that woman is an incredible beauty. A woman who responds to you in a way that devalues your humanity just as you are is not lovely even if she’s pretty or intelligent.
I’m going to say to you what my mentors have said to me: you are enough. You are able enough, tall enough, handsome enough, all of the enoughs. It’s not enough to be alive. You live and shine in your way, and I admire your ability to be vulnerable and eloquent.
My prayers are with you.
Thank you, Adam, for your blog and for your openness and honesty. You have been in my prayers continually since I first met you, and you have accomplished so much during that time. College, a master’s degree, work experience, blogging and maintaining a wonderfully positive and upbeat attitude during all that time (at least when I’ve been around you.) One of your attributes that has always impressed me is your ability to interact with people so positively – watching you talk and laugh with everyone in OCCYC regardless of their age, and their ability to relax and learn that you are no different from themselves or anyone else. Your mode of transportation is just a little different.
The sermon I heard yesterday was titled, “Teachable Moments” and it sounds like some of the girls you have come in contact with would have benefited greatly from hearing it! God has a perfect plan for you and when the perfect woman enters your life, both you and she will know it. You are brave to share this part of your being with everyone, and we are so blessed to be trusted with your openness and honesty and sharing the innermost desires of your heart.
Was it your brother’s comment that made me laugh . . . . maybe someone else! Love you.
Hi Adam – I am honored to pray for you and your future bride. Thank you for sharing not only the pain that you feel but also the heartfelt prayer request. I can not help but remember Ephesians 3:20-21:
20-21 God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
(MSG)
I would love to pray for a wife for you. Thank you for sharing your heart. Of course you want a mate, a lovely woman to share life with. Basic. God can do this and may His glory be revealed.
I have and will continue to pray for you! You are amazing man and any woman would be proud to have you for a husband. God knows who you will be with and will provide if it is his will. Hang in their Adam, you are amazing and deserve the best!
Adam, what an honest and real
Post. Thank you for your courage to share your heartache and struggle . Of course you have every reason to long for what we all do!
When people don’t know what to say we say things that are hurtful and not at all helpful. Nathan, our son, endured these comments as well. I will pray for a relationship ordained by God for you. You are a unique and wonderful young man- someone would be so blessed to have you in their life!
Hi Adam, it is your brother spencer’s teacher here. I stand with you in prayer for God to answer the desire of your heart! You are a remarkable man! We will trust God!
adam…you are in my thoughts…what i have realized is that all things begin and end in the theatre of life that has no real script…but each one of us lives our role according to our beliefs…be strong…rely on your spiritual side and your beautiful family….
Adam,
Yes! I join with you and others praying for the desire of your heart. Thank you for your honesty, transparency and your strong faith.
Yes, Adam, I am praying that God will bless you with the most wonderful woman perfectly designed for you!!
Marlys